Back to work again and missing my darling

After 3 days of mc(sick leaves) and staying at home, mostly sleeping and resting, and of course played with my little darling.

Today back to work again, felt slack and actually missed the little darling very much.

For the past two days, the moment I opened my eyes, I could slowly took my my own sweet time to clean up and make milk for Natalie. But today I had to ask DH to help, as I only got up at 8.10am. Plus the fact I was half-awaken from 5am till about 7am, when I finally got into my sleep mode, barely an hour half morning nap.

Of course my little darling who used to getting up at 9ish for the past two days, was still sleeping soundly when I got up. She had a real nice sleep last night. No fuss was made last night though I was in and out the bathroom half the time.

When DH started making the milk and made some clinking sound of the sterilising pot, then slowly she opened her sleepy eyes, but tossed and turned a couple of time on the bed lazily, relunctant to get up. Until finally DH had her milk in front her, then she open her mouth, with her eyes half-shut, dragged her little heavy arms up to hold the milk bottle.

After her milk, she saw that I was eating my High5 JagungBread, finishing. She quickly crawled towards me, and hint to me that she wanted some. As usual I would my food with her, those I think it's suitable for her. I tell ya, she love it. We had it last night before bed, you know la, pregnant mommy eat many time, and that was supper.

Looking at that adorable face, I just love the moment. So today whole day, I had been thinking about her.

And can't wait to see her big grin later when I get home.

A letter to my little fighter.

Dear little fighter,

What a surprise rainy day. Is it a good sign God shows us. Perhaps. The same sign I received after a prayer I made(silly but true), that told me that I am pregnant with you. The same signal I got when I had your 'Jie Jie'(elder sister). Let's hope the rain is the shower of luck for us,.

To be exact, you are 15 weeks 6 days old today.

Mommy just came back from clinic. The ultrasound showed that you are growing up healthily. You have put quite a bit weight since last scan and looks bigger on the screen, with sound heartbeat. It was a relief.

Yesterday, mommy was having spotting. The moment mommy saw the brown spotting, my heart dropped. I was so worried about you as I didn't know what was happening with you inside. I was dying to find a gynae/obs who might be open on a Sunday, so I could have a scan on you. I wasn't if you could wait till today.

However, there were none. So mommy decided to observe longer to see if the bleeding persists. Thank God, it was only a one off thing and the cramps also got better when mommy was lying down.

Despite of that, the worry didn't really fade away. And last night I just couldn't sleep. Kept tossing and turning in the bed. Dwelling on the outcome and praying quietly at heart, while everyone was sleeping soundly.

When mommy finally slept it was almost morning. Mommy just couldn't wait to see the doctor.

But this morning the clinic were somewhat crowded. Mommy had to wait for an hour and a half. It seemed like the longest wait. During the wait, mommy was so scared that the doctor would later informed me that your heartbeat had stopped.'Touch wood! Touch wood!'

Thank God, you are fine. Keep up the good work, dear.

As a result the doctor was suspecting either another infection or due to the discontinue of the hormone pill. So she took some sample. Also blood was drawn to do the triple test. The test is to see if you have any fetal abnormalities, including Down Syndrome. But it's only 80% accurate.

You might ask what would I do if the test comes positive?

Well, at this stage mommy should have some faith in you. So we shall wait for the result, and leave the worry till later. Just keep my fingers and your little fingers crossed, alright.

Meanwhile mommy is considering a further screening test soon.

Don't worry, an amniocentesis will be the last thing in my list as it carries some risk of miscarriage. Mommy won't go it unless it's really needed. I just don't anything to happen to you.

My little fighter, you just need to be strong healthy. Be a happy and carefree little baby. The rest leave to us. Let us strive hand in hand till full term. At the same we just pray together.

With Love,

Spotting again!

This morning came back, I discovered that I have spotting again. And on and off a little cramps. So worried.

Quickly, I called my gynae's cell. No one answering. Arghhh... Then I called Pantai to ask if any of their private clinic were open. Nope none, except emergency wad. Emergency wad? I didn't I need that though I wished that I could immediately go and see someone, no GP, I need someone who could do ultrasound scan.

I NEED AN ULTRASOUND! And all gynae are on holiday.

So I called my friend, who then called her little sister who is doing housemanship in HUKM. Later, same answer, no clinic just emergency wad. She also told me that her gynae told that he has a case a lady bled throughout her pregnancy and managed to deliver a healthy baby. Really? I didn't know what to think.

Guess no choice have to wait lor, till tomorrow early morning, then go to see my gynae.

While waiting, I cried a little, coz I was scared. Lucky the spotting didn't continue. But still got some cramps.

I searched the net on the issue, and read up a little and some cases at

After that with a mixed feeling of fear and relieved, I went to sleep, bedrest. It felt better when lying down. So I slept through my afternoon, till 7pm.

Now feeling a little better. Luckily I still feel pregnant as I'm having a bit of nauseous feeling after food and that vomiting sensation. The symptoms made me feel better.

Side note, I shouldn't carry Natalie so much I guess, though I love to carry her. And not to forget pray.

Baby, you must be strong!

At week 15

Life is getting better, the vomiting is slowly subsiding except a slight feeling nausea on and off which is so far bearble. I stopped taking my morning anti-vomiting tablet for two days. IIs it a good sign? Coz now I'm a little worry my hormone might not be strong enough for the baby. (must slap myself for all this negative thinking).

But come to think of it, it's impossible coz my pregnancy rhinitis still persists, a little better though with medication. Maybe I have accustomed to it.

Besides, I'm still on the hormone tablet till the end of this week. The level hormone should be fine. And by now, the placenta is able to produce progesterone and estrogen, which help to maintain the pregnancy. meanwhile my body's hormone change should be stabilised.

Overall, I have managed to reduce on my dependence on medication: no more anti-vomitant, one hormone pill evey morning, the one rhinitis tablet every night before bed, and ocassionally some gastric tablets. And of course never forget my vitamins.

Also, this afternoon I told my therapist that I prefer not to resume my depression medication now, and he agreed, as long as I am feeling good. And he will just observe my condition, if everything goes well, I can go on without the medication throughout my whole pregnancy. But he advised me to start again after delivery, as the chances of postpartum relapse is rather high in my case. Anyway, at this stage, I'm happy with what I have, and just enjoy the days.

Yesterday took a Gender Prediction Quiz, and it said that I'm 58% having a boy. Let's see how true it is.

At week 14

The begin of my second trimester.

Last few nights, had problem sleeping due to the nose congestion. And was on medical leaves for two days to catch some sleep during the day.

My morning sickness and vomiting seems to have got better a little. Still have that vomiting sensation on and off though, just not as bad, bearable, I would say.

Still feeling fatigue with the nasal problem.

My embryo is now a fetus. Healthy growth, with a 2.5cm crown(diameter), about 4 or 5 inches long. Heartbeat normal.

baby scan

Through the scan, I could see it waving its little hands at us. Isn't cute?

Still a little early to tell whether it's a little he or a she?

At week 13

Time flies, a friend said. To me, it's not fast enough.

At week 13, finally, I'm experience more vomiting. And I have to resort to anti-vomiting tablets for relief.

What does these anti-vomiting tablets do? It stops vomiting, so that I can enjoy food better, but the butterfly-in-the-stomach feeling is still there. It doesn't go away completely.

I really hope that this vomiting phase would fast-forward to week 20 in a blink of eye. Hopefully then the vomiting will subside by itself, when the hormone changes finally settle. And I hope I can stop the dydrogesterone pill, I blame it for my aggravated vomiting, as I can't find another better reason.

Apart from the vomiting. I'm having this stuffy nose discomfort too, which also known as pregnancy rhinitis. It's due to increase in hormone which causes the irritation in nasal passageway. It similar to sinus infection where there are lots of sneezing, nose congestion, throat irritation and runny nose.

Last week I was having some infection, and was given some oral antibiotics. This week it seems to have got better.

While some symptoms have got better, others, like vomiting have become worse. I can't really understand the logic of those pregnancy hormone changes.

Frankly I just hope to enjoy my pregnancy, as I will be sailing into second phase of pregnancy, next week onwards.

I hope by end of this week, I can say goodbye to all the bad disturbing symptoms and stop all the medications.

And due to these discomforts, I have been diving for the past few weeks. Just didn't feel like blogging.

On the happy note, the baby is fine. Today it should be roughly around 5.4cm long. Last Thurs, it was 4.5cm, which I think, was a great achievement after a tough time it had been through. Heartbeat normal and more visible during ultrasound.

My greatest craving is currently the Hot Pepper Pork Stomach Soup(胡椒猪肚汤). It's just too good resist.

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