The journey of a first time mommy: My Happiness

After delivery, our hormone usually change drastically. As a result, I had post-partum depression.

For the first few months after the delivery, my condition was alright. It was more like minor baby blues sessions with an overworked body and mind for the first two months or so.

It was after my mother's sudden passing, my crying sessions became more obvious and sometimes for no obvious reasons, accompanied by all the persisting achings, on my neck, lower back, knees, shoulders, and forever a gassy stomach. I was treated with pain killer(such as Morbic and this other pain killer), muscle relaxant, gastric medicine and a few others. Even a 3 months physiotherapy which recommended by my orthopaedic specialist. But nothing worked.

My mother's passing dampened my emotion. At that time I was easily so agitated and always angry over some little things. Plus all the negative thoughts. Life became a stranger to me.

However it was for Natalie that I managed hang on there until the day I decided to seek medical advice.

Everyday I reached home and saw her face, I would feel better, regardless how bad my day is. She was all there reasons, my hope and happiness. She gave me my strength to carry on.

My little advice to all new mothers is just take things one step at a time, don't be so hard on yourself. If you can, arrange someone you can trust to help taking care of the baby, at least one or two hours, coz you need rest.

The journey of a first time mommy - First night...

Rewind back to 21 months so ago, the first day Natalie was brought home. It was a Labour Monday, May 1st 2006.

That night was a disaster to us..

First few days in hospital, everything was just fine and smooth, as there were nurses for SOS. When Natalie cried, needed to be changed, fed, I could just press the red button. Someone would come and bring ther back to the nursery.

However, the night that we were back home, things were different and ugly. Reality kicked in. We have to face everything ourselves, problem. For first time parents, we were lost when Natalie started to cry non-stop for no reason, even after feeding her and diaper changed. Two clueless exhausted parents and a crying infant in a small room tussled till 3, 4 am in the next morning.

We were stoned yet frustrated. I wanted to cry as I didn't know what to do to sooth Natalie to sleep.

DH couldn't stand the crying and he just walked of the room... I forgot how I managed to get Natalie to bed later.

But the very next night and thereafter, I was left all alone with Natalie every night, while everyone in the house was in deep sleep, including hubby.

For the first few weeks I had Natalie fell asleep on my breast, while I leaned agaisnt the piled up pillows to keep myself in a sitting position. Often I dozed myself before I knew it... those were the lonely nights.

Then I resolved to watching tv while feeding Natalie or soothing her to sleep, so that I could stay awake.

Emotionally and physically I was exhausted and stressed out. Also because of the hormone changes, I cried alot, especially when I failed to breastfeed her.

Sometimes when I really needed a break, I got my in-laws to take care of Natalie. Often I made sure Nat was asleep and had her last feed, when I handed her over to them. So my MIl only need to feed her once, at 5 or 6 am, that's the time she gets up. Sometimes twice, the earlier feed at 2am.

By fourth or fifth months I took care of Natalie full time at night, as she began to sleep longer hours, until the night before I gave birth to Max.

The ultimate reward of this first experience is Natalie and I are very close though she rather not to call me mommy until today. I'm still her No.1 favourite...

In the case if I'm not around, she prefers her grandparents to her daddy. Tes, the last person she seeks is my DH... haha... he couldn't handle her except when he has got food with him. Natalie is a "wai sik mao"(loves food).

Though I didn't manage to breastfeed her properly, I'm still very proud of myself and Natalie of what we had been through all those nights

However, things became a little different when Max was brought home from the hospital and that was another story.

Max, the crying baby.

Gosh Max is certainly a crier. He cries when is wet. He cries when he's hungry. He cries when he want to poo. He cries when he's colic. He cries and cries and cries, even after feeding. Gosh!

My plan always get ruined just when I thought he should resting and quiet, and I can do something like takinga nap. He will start crying. When I do everything I can to settle him, he still cries, certainly for comforting. So I comfort and he sleeps.

But when I thought he settles, thought closing my eyes, he starts crying again.

Now I'm wondering should I give him a pacifier. Frankly I HATE the idea, because it can confuse Max in breastfeeding, though he seems to have learned how to latch on better than before. And I hate to use it, coz my MIL loves to use it. And see what she has done to Natalie. She can't sleep in the afternoon without it, and my MIL still using that darn pram to rock her to sleep in the afternoon besides the pacifier. And I really hate that.

When Natalie was born, she kept pastering me to use it, as Natalie disturbed her sleeping when it's her turn to look after her. Now I don't know how to make Natalie get out of that habit when she is going to be 20 months old soon.

O.k back to Max. He seems to like sucking for comfort, I can't offer my breast for that, coz it will be a big problem to moment I'm going to back to work. But I really want to help Max to learn self-soothing without using a pacifier or sucking. How? I'm really clueless cow. Any idea, mommies?

Manage to find this site for tip on handling crying baby. But I'm not sure if they help or do I have the patience.*Sigh*

What will you do when your kid's making a scene in public?

I recalled seeing some young children making scene while I was shopping in the mall some times. At that time, I was hoping in secretly in my heart that Natalie won't behave like that one day.

I guess kids are kids. When they see something they want or like, they will want you to either buy them, or stay there and play till they bored or dropped.

Last night, while we were in one of those baby apparrels shops, at the Curve, checking out some stroller for Natalie. She saw this interesting toy phone set and started to experiment with the buttons. So when we wanted to try her on one stroller, she simply refused and started screaming away. That was o.k. But when we decided to hop over to the next store, she refused to leave, and squatted down next to the toy phone set as an objection.

Lucky I was with my hubby. So I asked him to handle her, while I was pretend walking out of the shop and hoping that she would follow. But she didn't. What if I was aloneat that moment?

Natalie is a sutbborn little, and is determined to get what she wants. Of course we can't afford to buy her everything she wants. I think we, as parents, shouldn't spoil our chilldren. I remember when I was young my parents led a frugal life, and never spoil us. My mom hardly buy us any toys, while my dad was a bit more generous. The only one toy my mom ever bought me was this little teddy bear I had. The one and only.

However, I remembered making a fuss during one CNY shopping spree, in some night market. I saw this top and bottom which I really liked.(Of course every year we only got to buy two set each.) But mom said it was too expensive and refused to get me... I was about 10, think. And I had an auguement with my mom and finally she bought me that set of clothes. But when it comes to toys, I hardly ask my parents for anything, knowing they won't get me. Of course in the end, she gave me more than that, a good degree and a chance of living overseas for 3 1/2 years. That was the most precious gift she had ever given me.

As for Natalie, I don't mind buying her toys, but I just don't want to get her same type of toys if she already has one. Just like that toy phone, she already has one at home which my sister-in-law bought her, so I see no reason getting another one.

So mommies and daddies, what would you do? And how would you handle this type of situation or scene?