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Showing posts with label Me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Me. Show all posts

To moon and back again:)

29 July 2011

It's been a long while since my last post, back in Oct 2008.

During these 2 years plus, many things had happened. Many I have lost count, but here are some major happenings which had made me who am I today. Also, reasons why I decided to reignited this blog.

1. The two little ones have grown up quite a bit and now attending kiddy.
Natalie is now 5 and Max is turning 4 in Nov.

2. Early 2009, we went to Langkawi with our in-laws.

It was a fun trip. Max's first time on a plane. He was alright. No fuss. And everyone had great fun during the trip.

3. My father has left us in March 2009, to be reunited with mom in a far far away land. It was sooner than I expected. Again reminded me, 'Life's short.'

4. In November 2009, we had our first little family trip, only 4 of us, to Melbourne to visit the my siblings.

During that 7 hours flight, it was a nightmare. Both kids were making lots of fuss. I had to carrying them on my laps(they took turn to sit). I almost cried towards the end of the flight. Till finally we were there.

Another nightmare, Max refused to be strapped in baby seat. By the end of the trip he actually learned to sit contentedly in the car seat. And we had no problem strapping him down in car seat since then.

With the kids, we didn't get to go a lot of places. But then, it was quite an experience for us, now that I look back.

5. Natalie has started her ballet class since last June. She is enjoying it.

It's been a year since then. End of this year, she will be performing in the year end concert.

6. Max started going to kiddy. I have no choice as he was getting bored at home and giving the in-laws a hard time. Terrible two.

His first 3 days were alright. But after that he refused to go back.

7. Natalie showed signs of disliking her old kiddy, because teachers' problem.

8. Found another kiddy. At first, I had doubt about it. But after a week, Natalie grew to love it. The teachers are patient, loving, good with children and their number of children are way smaller than any other kiddy. And they could managed Max.

First 3 days, he was crying when I left him there. On the fourth day, he was happily going to kiddy without fuss. And most importantly he learned a lots from there. It was surely a blessing.

7. Early this year, Natalie and I have been going for Yamaha JMC for the last 6 months. I wasn't thinking about it till a friend who convinced me to send Natalie there. But it's proven worthy and fun that I'm able to learn and play piano together with Natalie.

8. Max is diagnosed of having mild autism during Chinese New Year, highly functional though. We had him assessed by a clinical psychologist. And we were shocked but have learned to accept the truth and deal with it.

Also, I began to understand why I always felt that Max is a little different.

Well, it's a disorder that has no cure, but we can certainly help him to learn to do better.

9. Therefore, we have been sending to Early Intervention Program(EIP) since May.

10. Max has improved greatly in language and behaviour, with the assistance of his kiddy teachers and the EIP teachers .He gradually moved out from his two- years-old toddler-hood. It's little late but he did it.

He's now a little cheeky, chatty, joyful boy who started to ask 'Why this?' or 'Why that?'

11. Since the kids started their new kiddy, I have became their chauffeur. Life became different. I spent more time with the kids on the road.

With Max going EIP, I have a lot more running around to do.

12. Meanwhile I became more aggressive at work after certain management restructure. Also I started a company with some friends.

13. Also, I began to question my ability at work. Am I still fit as a designer though I have been promoted a senior position.

14. I took a month off(unpaid) to rethink of my future.

15. I decided to go and seek help from counselor in order to regain my self-confidence.

16. Later found out I had a relapse. Back on medication.

17. Finally I decided I must move on. Two months ago, I submitted my resignation letter.

After I submitted my letter, I realised that I have nothing to lose but everything and more to gain. And I feel better as an individual.

18. Today, I'm a full time mother who plans my children daily activities and learning materials, freelance designer who want to try to stand on her own and trying out different things and one of 4 little owners of a company.

There's a saying;: One has to let go in order to gain more.

After almost a month of relaxing and spending more time with my children, I find that my mind is freer and I have ideas popping more often than before. It's because I can concentrate in the life I want.

19. I'm back and hope to share on how I learn deal Max's autism with optimism.

Max is the key reason I made my decision and found myself.

20. I didn't go to the moon, though it felt like I did:)

How to make a lamb cap.

I learned this lamb cap thingy from 小女人,可爱的绵羊帽。And she learned from another mommy - The Wong Family..

Natalie loves wearing it. Then I thought, why not making a lil movie out of it. So I did.

Ladies and jelly beans, here I present you...



Enjoy! Happy lamb-capping with your lil jelly beans.

Related Post: Princess Leia Spotted!

Back to work!

I finally went back to work on Monday, after a 3 and half months break. I had a mixed feeling about, was sad because I can't spend the day with the kids, but meanwhile I had this little feeling of can't- wait-to-go-back nudging within me...

For the past 2 days, things were just going slowly and steady. Nothing much to do for the time being. I hope I'm not speaking too soon, though I need something to ignite my engine, I enjoy the leisure at work.

On and off I miss the girl and the baby.

Life after working hour is short. Within that few hours before bedtime, I have to bathe, eat, express breastmilk, cleaning and feeding the baby, then get him and the girl to sleep before 12. So that I can sleep by 12.30am, in order to get up by 7.30am the next morning, to express the milk out(at least 45 minutes to an hour to get 120ml) before I can get ready for work.

Well so far, other Monday, I couldn't get up till 8am, partly becoz of the drowsiness of the anti-depressant. And I've been late for work.

Of course both the girl and the baby sometimes take turn to make fuss at night, one after another.

If baby doesn't sleep, I can't sleep, and the girl doesn't want to sleep too...

Luckily I have DH to help me out. He feeds the baby, while I express milk. Why I express the milk and not direct breastfeed?

1. I have anti-depressant before bed, some the milk would contain some anti-depressant, which I don't want the baby to have it.
2. I have to maintain my supply...

For the past few days, I only give him at night before I take my daily dose.

Or 3. I don't know how much he drinks if I direct breastfeed. By expressing, I know he can get at least 120ml per feed... and I can get more milk out.

I only direct breastfeed him after I express before bed and my medication.

To sum things up, too many things to do with too little time in hand.

I'm a drama series addict!

I'm still on maternity leave. In fact, I had just apply another 4 weeks, back to work after Chinese New Year, tentatively. I may change my plan as my annual leave is running low, need to save some for other ocassions, like the mid-year holiday trip.

Since I'm still on leave. What do I do other than taking care of and breastfeed Max as well as spending time with Natalie, top most priority, surfing and blogging, sleeping, and going shopping(seems like I have a long shopping list. Gosh! it means my wallet's bleeding heavily).

Well, I also addicted to US drama series, I used to watch a lot of them, before I had Natalie. Suddenly I stopped watching, not exactly sure why. Now I'm back to this drama series watching spree. For the past two weeks, I had finished watching Supernatural Season 1 & 2 (it's spooky but funny too at times)and Medium Season 2. Just bought Season 3, I just love the Dubois. I watch them whenever I breastfeed or feed Max, be it day or night. I have to say that these two dramas are really good, highly recommended.

I also used to like CSI, CSI New York(still like them, except Miami version, didn't like it, because of Horatia), Monk, Lost(stopped watching coz I was lost with it) and Veronica Mars.

Apart form the US dramas, I also like to watch the Hong Kong dramas as well as the Japanese ones. Korean? This category no thanks.

Believe it or not, I also bought and finished watching all the other three Harry Potter movies available, after I'd watched The Chamber of Secret.

Well, looking all the titles, you more or less know my taste for dramas series. So any dramas series addict out there?

Counting down to the day, an update on baby and me

Like I said earlier, it could be 13, 18 or even 19 this month. I'm not sure which is the actual EDD anymore. But never mind, as long as the baby comes. I don't want to think too much about it. Too much anticipation makes me sick of guessing. Like a Cantonese saying, 煮到嚟,就食!(Go with the flow.)

Last gynae visit
Everything is fine, baby is roughly weighed about 3kg now, 20% variation, plus or minus. Should it be bigger, I'm not sure it can come naturally. He's healthy, I'm glad.

The gynae said anytime due... very subjective estimation. Hopefully not this weekend, the gynae is away. Gosh! And the best part most of the doctors in that hospital are on leave. DOH! I hate giving birth in the weekend, especially a long festive weekend. The last time, I had Natalie, inexperienced, the lactation consultant was away. DOH! Charges were higher too. Lucky my gynae was around. But not this time. Pray, pray, pray.

During the visit,we talked about my birth possibility. Again she told it will depend on my condition. Sigh... The highlight of the visit... *drum rolling*, she said that most likely NO epidural if natural birth. O.O;; Because they worry should the scar gives way, I can feel it. If they use epidural, lower body numbed, and if the scar give way, it will be life-threatening. Well, I've checked online, if possible NO medication is recommended. Though the chance of uterine rupture is very very slim - 1%, or one in 10,000. What if I'm that ONE. It freaked me out.

That whole day, Wednesday, I was feeling so down and blue. And I had a big woo woo cry and I slept through the day after I came back from the clinic.

Don't worry I'm fine now. I can eat well, like a sow. Sleeping well except some minor aching here and there. And I'm not thinking about it anymore, strangely. It's out of my mind. Just going with the flow and praying hard. Yes I'm.

My gynae asked to go for a CT scan on Monday if the baby still not coming. I seriously don't know the outcome. Induce(I thought no induction) or wait some more? I don't know. But seriously I hope not another C-sec, if I have a choice.

The "Anytime" signs...
1. Some saw my ballooned up feet and said, "...you're can be due anytime..."
2. Since Wednesday, I'd been feeling more period cramps on my lower back and lower abdomen.
3. More Braxton Hicks, especially whenever try to get up from sleeping position.
4. Feeling the weight on my hips.
5. Very frequent toilet visits, and my bladder simply can't wait.
6. My tummy feels very tight and the surface looks very shiny, I wonder, can it grow and stretch anymore bigger.
7. Hormone changing, skin looks dry, the urge of washing my hair more often as it gets very itchy the next day. Oh, my pregnancy rhinitis seems to have gotten better, less runny nose.

Don't want to think too much
The reason I don't know to think too much because I don't want to stress baby, which will cause fetal distress. Let him decide when he's ready to come. No point thinking over and over when it's not happening... In a way I'm fed up.

Meanwhile I just want to do things I normally do, blog, sleep, eat, laugh, play with Natalie and I seriously feel like going to watch a movie... hee hee... Have anyone watch StarDust? And I can't wait for Golden Compass.

My inner fears

Some time back I read about this inner fear thing in Mumsgather. It reminded me of my own.

I guess everyone has some kind of inner fears.

As for me, I've been having this fear of traveling long distance, I mean driving,(not including going for holiday overseas) and driving alone. I'm not sure why and forgot when it started. But I guess it's due to kiasi (afraid of dying in Hokkien) factor.

However my mom passing due to road accident, has deepened my fear. On top of that, I also begin to fear of losing someone close to me again. That's why I don't having my husband traveling outstations, which I had no problem previously.

And every day I flip open the newspaper, I see many road accident reports. They made me paranoid and all the negative possibilities begin to play in my mind.

Frankly I'm not a pessimistic character, but why do I have this kind of negative thought and fear in me. Is it because I'm already mom? Or is it because of something else? I'm still not sure. I used to ask my psychiatrist about it. He explained that it's because my grief over my mom's passing. I just have to think positive and it'll slowly go away. I certainly hope so.

And they said Love can outcast Fear.

How about you? Do have any inner fears that you would like to share?

 
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