The journey of a first time mommy - First night...

Rewind back to 21 months so ago, the first day Natalie was brought home. It was a Labour Monday, May 1st 2006.

That night was a disaster to us..

First few days in hospital, everything was just fine and smooth, as there were nurses for SOS. When Natalie cried, needed to be changed, fed, I could just press the red button. Someone would come and bring ther back to the nursery.

However, the night that we were back home, things were different and ugly. Reality kicked in. We have to face everything ourselves, problem. For first time parents, we were lost when Natalie started to cry non-stop for no reason, even after feeding her and diaper changed. Two clueless exhausted parents and a crying infant in a small room tussled till 3, 4 am in the next morning.

We were stoned yet frustrated. I wanted to cry as I didn't know what to do to sooth Natalie to sleep.

DH couldn't stand the crying and he just walked of the room... I forgot how I managed to get Natalie to bed later.

But the very next night and thereafter, I was left all alone with Natalie every night, while everyone in the house was in deep sleep, including hubby.

For the first few weeks I had Natalie fell asleep on my breast, while I leaned agaisnt the piled up pillows to keep myself in a sitting position. Often I dozed myself before I knew it... those were the lonely nights.

Then I resolved to watching tv while feeding Natalie or soothing her to sleep, so that I could stay awake.

Emotionally and physically I was exhausted and stressed out. Also because of the hormone changes, I cried alot, especially when I failed to breastfeed her.

Sometimes when I really needed a break, I got my in-laws to take care of Natalie. Often I made sure Nat was asleep and had her last feed, when I handed her over to them. So my MIl only need to feed her once, at 5 or 6 am, that's the time she gets up. Sometimes twice, the earlier feed at 2am.

By fourth or fifth months I took care of Natalie full time at night, as she began to sleep longer hours, until the night before I gave birth to Max.

The ultimate reward of this first experience is Natalie and I are very close though she rather not to call me mommy until today. I'm still her No.1 favourite...

In the case if I'm not around, she prefers her grandparents to her daddy. Tes, the last person she seeks is my DH... haha... he couldn't handle her except when he has got food with him. Natalie is a "wai sik mao"(loves food).

Though I didn't manage to breastfeed her properly, I'm still very proud of myself and Natalie of what we had been through all those nights

However, things became a little different when Max was brought home from the hospital and that was another story.